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As part of a recent strategy review at Cynicor, we decided that just being a hot new Internet stock wasn't enough. We might need some sort of product at some point. You know, something to hold up during analyst briefing calls and say "Look! This is losing us a ton of money, but it establishes our industry presence!" In other words, Cynicor needed a celebrity spokesperson. But who? We needed someone who was instantly recognizable and widely respected. The person's mere voice needed to bring instant credibility to our company. Failing that, we would accept any original member of the Star Trek cast. Since we're not in this business for the profits (and in fact, have no outlook for them in the foreseeable future), we could offer the one thing more valuable than real money: Cynicor stock. After getting sniped for yet another set of 1964 World's Fair dinosaurs (you know, from the Sinclair Pavilion) on eBay, the idea finally hit us—Cynicor would start a service to let people bid on groceries. Think about it—how many times have you walked through
a supermarket, gathering up items, only to find a frankly outrageous price on canned peas? 75 cents? No way! The Publix near Grandma's is at least five cents cheaper! Well, fret no more—Cynicor is here to help. Through our CyniBid system, you can now tell 6,400 grocery stores around the country what you're willing to pay for that can of peas. You simply tell us what you're willing to pay, and supermarkets from Albertson's to HEB to Piggly Wiggly all rush to match it! No more overstocked inventory for them, no more running around the country looking for great prices for you. |
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Once a store has accepted your bid, you simply go to your bank, get a certified check for the price of the goods you've purchased, mail it to the supermarket, and when the check clears they'll send you the food. The entire process should take less than two weeks (and even less if you pay an extra $12 for overnight delivery). The best part of all is that you know you've gotten their best possible price. ShopRite's Can-Can sales will soon be a thing of the past. How does Cynicor make money on the transaction? That's the real beauty of it. When you're finished with your food, you agree to mail us back the empty can and we sell it for recycling!
Of course, a great idea like this can only take an Internet company like Cynicor so far. Fortunately, we can use our high-flying stock to purchase some other companies with similar ideas. So, we're pleased to announce that our bid for an unprofitable prescriptions-by-mail service has been accepted. Within weeks, we'll have their operations merged with our CyniBid system, and CyniPharm will be up and running. They invest millions of dollars each year trying to create ways to make us healthier. They've discovered scores of safe medicines to ease our pain. Without them, thousands more people would die of treatable conditions every year. It's no wonder everyone's fed up with the big drug companies! With the CyniPharm system, you'll be able to put them back in their place, by telling them exactly how much you're willing to pay for your blood pressure control pills. Imagine that. Instead of paying $72 for a month's supply of your prescription medicine, you'll be able to enter a bid of $3 and watch the companies scramble over each other to supply you with their product. Take that, you, you. . . greedmasters! With our soon-to-be-named Star Trek spokesperson and our CyniBid and CyniPharm systems, we'll quickly become a can't-miss proposition. Our stock will soar, we'll become even more filthy rich, and we'll get out before investors are any the wiser. We told you Cynicor was gonna be huge! Really huge! —J.T.
The article "Internet Programming with Windows CE," in the May 1999 issue, contained some information that was updated after we went to press. The updated version is available in its entirety here on our Web site. |
From the June 1999 issue of Microsoft Internet Developer.